I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
