that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
