apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
