Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize