APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
