he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
