How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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