Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize