Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
