my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
