Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
