I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
