I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
