I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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