I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
