my soul wont recognize me after tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
