and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize