so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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