I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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