Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drake has all the answers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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