I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
