just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize