i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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