Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
