apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
