chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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