every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dignity is for republicans.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Im part way to drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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