Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
