i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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