i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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