i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
