She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
