hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need moral support for this bender
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This baby is an asshole
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
