her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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