You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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