shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's blow job season.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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