Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
