It's Friday. Sex?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
