you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
