How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
