i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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