Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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