last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
