you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize