i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
