Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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