Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize