I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
