Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just googled if crying burns calories
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
