My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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