she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
