The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
