My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize