Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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