Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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