How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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