your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
