my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
