In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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