problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
