i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You made out with two different species that night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
