oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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