I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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