Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
