i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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