I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
