i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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